Wow. It has been over four months since my last post. I’ve needed to get back on here as a way of healing. Writing my words and thoughts allows me to heal…or at least thats what I think. So much has happened over these past four months.
The holidays. My grandpa was always a huge fan of the holidays. Mainly because of the food, but also because of the family gatherings. He would always get absolutely full, talk with everyone for a few moments and then go home. He was such a character. It was weird without him this thanksgiving. We made the most with what we had and the entire family got together, which was nice. There was still a piece of each of us missing and everyone knew it, but no one said anything. I felt so bad for my mom. She is full of pain and brokenness and I wish I could take it all from her. She’s not the same.
Christmas..again, we all got together but it was missing. Missing his chuckle. His raspy voice. His digging into the food before anyone else. His gifts. He used to get me and my sisters and cousins gifts every year for Christmas. It could be anything from $2, to a baby doll (black of course…his girlfriend was black), or a box of stale chocolate covered cherries. Oh my word. We’ve started to celebrate every event with chocolate covered cherries. I hate those things. They are so disgusting but anytime I see a box, I’m reminded of him and his thoughtfullness. I bought a huge box after Christmas and am saving it for next Christmas…so it can be stale like the ones he gave us. Oh how he made us laugh.
I’ve been doing ok. Pretty much at a standstill. I still have my moments but they are becoming far and few. Mainly because life is so busy and hectic, I feel like I don’t have time for it. I hate to admit it because it’s nice not being depressed and crying all the time, but at the same time, I feel like I’m letting him go. I miss him so much and what I wouldn’t give to have another chat with him. Or to see him laugh and play with my son. I miss him so. When I actually sit down and focus my thinking on him, of course it becomes an emotional time (as I type this of course i’m tearing up).
2012 came to an end and I am so thankful for that. 2012 was one of the worst years. I lost my cousin in a tragic car accident in April and lost my grandpa the same way in June. Life is so fragile. Tomorrow is never guaranteed. 2012 forced me to realize that life is so precious and the relationships you have with others is so important. Cherish every moment. Laugh with your loved ones. Tell them you love them. Tell them often! Visit them frequently. Take your picture with them. Frame it. Hold it close to your heart.
2013 is but another year for me. I’ve never been into making resolutions or goals or whatnot. In 2013 and all the days of my life I want to love God deeper. Further His kingdom. Hold close the memories of the ones who have gone before me and cherish the time I have left with those still here. Day by day it gets a little easier. Day by day it gets one step closer. One step closer to seeing those who have gone before me. I cannot wait for the way I see my Grandpa again, but for now…for 2013 and the rest of my life…i’m going to live life to the fullest. Cheers to you and yours.